Years ago I started giving up chocolate. I ate skittles everyday. It wasn't very "beneficial." Then I started giving up candy and I ate cupcakes and prayed for co-workers birthdays so I could eat cake and oh yeah--celebrate with them. I was definitely (and still am) the person who rolled her eyes and complained when the "birthday girl/boy" wanted carrot cake. Ugh--that is ass cake and I hate it and it makes me angry that you get ANY input because you make stupid cake choices! At least I can eat around the coconut in a German chocolate cake, but carrot is a big old waste of my fifteen minutes in the conference room. I could be on facebook or tracking airfare.
ANYWAY back to Jesus wanting me skinny. I mean skinnier. About 4 years ago I decided to give up sweets during Lent--which includes candy, cupcakes, cake, donuts, ice cream, etc. It's REALLY hard, but ultimately I have less headaches and maybe a little more energy and it works. This year I was inspired (thanks Jesus) to give up alcohol AND sweets. WOW. I mean obviously that is HARD core, but I felt like Jesus wants me skinny and this is great time to save money, calories, and headaches. I'm a week into my "Getting Skinny for Jesus" and read the timeline below to track my progress . . .
Fat Monday
A new holiday inspired by my father . . . but it involved wine, pasta and lots of candy. It also involved a stomach ache and maybe a trip to Soup Plantation just to 'get ready' for Tuesday.
Fatter Tuesday
$2 Tacos and unlimited chips at Spanish Kitchen along with some delicious wine. THEN back to my apt. for some more wine and to polish off my candy supply. Yes--I was eating Robin's Eggs malted milk balls at like 11:56pm and working hard trying to finish them all. Then I decided to go Hawaiian and give myself a few more hours. I had a little more wine and some skittles and thought that that was probably what Jesus would want me to do. Mahalo!
Ash Wednesday
I had a big discussion with my father and he was following some 10 bites for breakfast, 12 bites for lunch, and 15 bites for dinner plan. It sounded like the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard and I assured him that practice was not followed on the west coast. Sounded very Midwestern, and while normally I embrace my Midwesterness--that wasn't something I support. Along with their winters. I didn't have any wine (not even at church) or any sweets and I didn't die.
Thursday-Friday
I wanted skittles REAL bad. And chocolate milk. A LOT of chocolate milk. But I stayed strong. Thanks Jesus. And Lance Armstrong. Oh yeah--and I was kinda bitchy. Sorry Jesus.
Saturday
Ok--so there was a birthday party for one of my best girlfriends and it involved a hotel room, pre-partying, partying, and an after party--and it had been planned months in advance. I was planning to drink because being the only sober one at this would have been annoying. My friend was very happy that I celebrated with her accordingly and when I thought about it--I realized that Jesus would want me to make other people happy. That's like Jesus 101.
Sunday
Wow--After some Vodka at the pre-party and absinthe drinks at the party (that made my back feel tingly), I was 'willing' to go back to my non-drinking ways. Plus it was Sunday. Double Duh. I still wanted skittles.
Monday
I REALLY wanted something sweet. Yoplait blueberry yogurt is ass.
Tuesday
My awesome neighbors came over and we watched bad tv (American Idol) with my roommate. They all enjoyed a lovely glass or two of cab sav--one of my favorite wines and I had some chamomile tea. I was a little angry with Jesus.
Wednesday
So I'm week in, and I think i will survive. I do believe that some wine would help my sinus headache, but I'll have to test that theory after Easter. After all I'm getting skinny for Jesus!
Disclaimer
Yes I was raised Catholic and still consider myself Catholic even though I don't agree with everything that the church thinks, but it's a nice hour of peace, and I know how to do everything--all the sitting, standing, kneeling. Every once in awhile I'm inspired by something the priest says, but lots of time I just meditate and stare at people. It's good for me, but don't worry--I will never try to get anyone to go to church with me and I'll never tell you what you should or shouldn't believe. Obviously I've lived in sin and some other things that seem somewhat un-Catholic like, but they still welcome me even after I had a lengthy discussion with the priest about how it doesn't seen sanitary for the entire congregation to ALL share a wine goblet. Even with the wipedowns. Yeah--I pass on Jesus' blood. Also-I've never done meth and I know I'd be a terrible meth head. The sudafed I take for my sinus headache gives me medicine head and I do not enjoy it.
1 comment:
I'm a Catholic and I smoke pole... not regularly, but I've been known to do it. It's been so long, I don't remember it. But friends tell me I've done it. I think I even like it. So don't worry.
By the way, when does your list of FAVE GAYS come out?
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